In this 13 Reasons Why series we explore the different problems Gen Z are dealing with as told to us by them. Through their own words we’ll see what leads to young people’s mental health problems.
A parent complaining about their child struggling at school.
It’s like an adult ridiculing a baby for not being able to walk. Putting one foot in front of the other might be easy for them now, but for a baby taking that first step is the hardest thing they’ve ever had to do in their life. As ridiculous as it might sound to imagine someone grumbling about a baby struggling to get on their own two feet, it’s equally ridiculous to do that to a teenager finding their feet in life.
The truth is though the older some of us get the more we forget just how hard things were when we were young. Knowledge and experience help us grow. But at the same time they have a funny ability to erode our ability to empathise.
Suddenly we know everything.
Suddenly we stop listening.
“School… tough? I’ve got a PHD, I run a business, I’ve raised a kid. That’s tough!”
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If you’ve heard yourself thinking something like this then it’s worth remembering one thing. You’ve got to learn to walk before you can run. Because a child not having their parents to lend an ear to their problems without dismissing them, even when they just want what they think is right for them, often only makes a bad situation worse.
Stress. Anxiety. Depression. For some young people it all becomes too much. And it’s more widespread than many people realise.
Through our research surveying over 2000 young Australians aged 15 to 19 we’ve found 68% have experienced struggles with their mental health. When we asked them what they see as their biggest struggle, 23% said their future, 22% their studies and 13% their mental health. These however rarely live in isolation.
At YouthSense with the trust of our Year13 audience we’re in a privileged position where young people tell us things they often don’t even reveal to their friends and family. From the issues affecting them today to their concerns for the future, we dive into what’s on their mind so our readers can better respond to their needs.
Here we’ll take a look at why young people stress about their parents. And what they do to deal with it.
1. Pushy parents
“The thing that caused the most stress in my life are my parents not wanting what I want to do in my life. They often push a certain lifestyle on to me – study hard all the time, go to uni, be a doctor, but I wanted to spend more time travelling and being with my friends. I deal with it by trying to talk to my parents about what I want but I also talk to my friends about it. They are in similar situations to myself and I feel that when I talk to them, they understand me.”
15/F/NSW
2. Day of reckoning
“As a person who believes he doesn’t have a high enough IQ to get an ATAR of 90 and above, the fact that my parents want and expect me to get an ATAR of 95+ (because I go to one of the most expensive tutoring centres for two subjects) is just so painful to deal with. I know that I won’t even get an ATAR close to what my parents expect because I’ve completed some of my exams and the results were not band 6 material. I’ve also hidden those results from my parents, and the stress just keeps building on and on. I’m just scared for the day that’s inevitable, to come. The day when my ATAR is revealed. Unfortunately, I cannot deal with it. I don’t know how to deal with this stress as it just gets worse and worse every day.”
17/M/NSW
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3. They don’t understand
“Most of my stress comes from my parents doubting that I will succeed in an industry they don’t know anything about in a career they don’t think is good for me in a world they don’t understand. I deal with this by taking their negativity as a challenge and striving to prove them wrong.”
18/F/QLD
4. Freedom gone
“My parents are extremely strict and just bad at parenting, they never let me go to my mates or have social media as they don’t trust me, I used to be the most popular guy in school and I slowly just lost it because I couldn’t be with the boys having good times. I want the respect and popularity so soon I think I’m just going to join the army and leave my life behind.”
16/M/WA
5. New person, same old mistakes
“The expectations placed on me by those older than me, but then I look at how unhappy they are now when they chose what their parents wanted them to do. I know myself better and therefore I shouldn’t conform to their expectations based on their own ideals and beliefs.”
18/F/VIC
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6. Lack of belief
“Most stress comes from the pressure my parents and grandparents place on me to perform well in high school. I can sense they don’t really believe in me that I could get an OP1 and get into medical school straight after school – they always compare me to very smart Asian students and how often they study compared to me despite my OP predictions hovering around a 2. I feel slightly embarrassed to say that I’m going to try to get into medical school because of this. I want to perform well in school and I’m interested in what my parents believe I should study at University but they shunned all discussions of me exploring the potential for my passions to become a career. I want to have a different personality from what I currently have but my parents have really shaped me into who they see I should be.”
17/M/QLD
Checkout more stories in this series:
- 13 Reasons Why Gen Z Stress About School
- 13 Reasons Why Gen Z Stress About Their Friends
- 13 Reasons Why Gen Z Stress About Social Anxiety
7. We’re just different
“The uncertainty of the future and the lack of support from my parents on what’s important to me. I’m the eldest and their first child so they’re still learning, but that’s taking a toll on me being torn in two different directions. I’m expected to be a child and an adult at the same time. I am wanting to make my parents happy and making myself happy. But I can’t do both because I’m so different to my parents, and the tension of this stresses me so much.”
16/F/WA
8. The path less travelled
“The thing that causes me the most stress in life is trying to align others expectations of me with what I want for myself. I want to try risky things such as starting a business and acting, whereas my parents and close family want me to undergo the typical path of university then a steady job. I deal with this stress by trying to compromise. For example, I will go to uni next year, but this year I am taking a gap year to try things I am passionate about.”
17/M/QLD
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9. Living vicariously
“What causes me the most stress in my life right now is parent pressure. Parents put a lot of pressure on their kids to do well at school without knowing the emotion and mental effect that has on their kids. Every parent always wants what is best for their child. However sometimes they may try to live through their kids. This can have negative effects on their kids as they may believe their parents will not be proud of them if they don’t exceed the expectations that their parents have. I deal with this by reminding myself that as long as I put in 110% effort into my studies I should be proud of myself. And if my parents aren’t proud of me when I put in that much effort then that’s their loss.”
16/F/WA
10. Love is love
“My parents aren’t fond of me having a homosexual relationship and this can be quite stressful too but I think I have dealt with it well. I find stress relief through talking about my problems and thinking them through. I also love listening to music.”
17/M/SA
11. Passions denied
“Although I am extremely grateful, as I attend an elite private school my parents expect me to go on and study medicine like past siblings. I could not think of anything worse. My parents don’t support my passion for the world of fashion and my want to become a fashion journalist, they won’t allow me to get a job and won’t fund the university course I will need to complete. Although I am excited for the future, I am also extremely stressed about how to get there, be successful and stay happy.”
16/F/QLD
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12. Finding compromise
“I don’t have just one big stress, there are so many in life when you think of it however living up to my family’s expectations is one of the hardest. I come from a very cultural and religious family, since I was young my parents have attended church. When entering senior years of schooling I knew my parents wanted me to sign out of school and find an apprenticeship, however I wanted to go to university and get a medical degree but my father wasn’t always supportive encouraging a TAFE course may be more suitable. Trying to please my parents will always be hard, because our views in life are so different and yet I know they only want the best for me. It’s hard to deal with, but if I can find just something that makes them happy I pursue it as long as I’m still enjoying myself and my life why not? At the end of the day they are my parents and I will love them forever and forever be grateful.”
17/M/NSW
13. Tough love
“My parents, the way they’ve placed their expectations on me and how I have no other choice but to follow those expectations regardless of how I feel about it, while also understanding that there is good in their hearts but also that they won’t listen to me.”
20/M/WA
Grab a free copy of our After The ATAR reports for more unique data and insights about Gen Z.
